Gratitude, Vietnam, and the story of Flower

I was sitting in a restaurant in nearly 100 degree heat admiring the array of oysters, clams, and crab on our dinner table. It was blistering hot and I was sweating as I was cracking open another crab leg. The smell of lemongrass and Vietnamese spices were strong. I was in heaven.

Unfortunately this is 2020 and I was not in Vietnam… I was in Sacramento California. Little Saigon is probably as close as it gets to Vietnam for this Californian in this global pandemic and political unrest. It was a somber of the times we live in. Many out there are longing for more than just the ability to travel internationally for leisure and it was a good time to reflect on being grateful.

Of course, there’s few countries out there that resemble gratitude than Vietnam. My last trip to Vietnam was in 2016 and it was… well eventful. My best friend and I landed in Hanoi for the first stop of our trip in the fall of 2016.

The minute we had gotten back to WiFi, our phones blew up with notifications that one of our good friends from high school was involved in a severe accident and he was in a coma. Our first day of my vacation was spent trying to figure out our plans to return home. We ultimately decided to stay as we heard that our friend’s condition was stabilizing. Needless to say, this was on the back of my minds for the entire trip.

On the second day, we were roaming the tourist area where we met Flower. She was a young “tour guide” looking to sell us greeting cards that folded open. Unlike the other “tour guides” in the area, she was fluent in English so we actually stopped to speak with her. We’re glad we did as Flower became a friend of ours for the next few days in Hanoi. She organized “locals only” tours for us. Took us to the best restaurants. She even hung out with us in the evening at dinners and for drinks.

Admittedly, it did feel a bit transactional. She was very much only doing this for a paycheck at the end of the trip and she remained somewhat closed off for being our “friend”. It wasn’t until one of the last days of the trip that Flower opened up to us.

Flower had organized a motorcycle tour in the northern part of town with her and her friend. This was also going to be election night in the U.S. Like most, we thought we would go on the tour and come back to wifi to see Hilary being announced President. Of course, we were wrong and quickly grappling with the thought that Donald Trump was President of the United States.

Clearly heartbroken and scared, Flower decided to take us to one of our spots we identified on our hit list: Bun Cha Obama or the Bun Cha restaurant that Obama ate at when he visited Vietnam. It was a sweet move that improved our mood slightly but she could tell that we were deflated and non-talkative. Flower could sense this and did well what only Flower does best. She made us feel better.

Flower decided to open up and decided to tell us the story of her life. Like many in Vietnam, her life was not easy, but I did not expect what I was about to hear. She grew up poor in a tiny village outside of Hanoi.

In her late teenage years, she fell in love with someone in the military and had a child with him. Their love lasted many years with her boyfriend’s wealthy family paying for their lives. Ultimately, Flower’s boyfriend’s family decided that falling in love with a poor villager was not in their son’s best interest so overnight, they were broken up and Flower was left with their child.

Flower was devastated but needed to provide for her child so she learned English while working odd jobs to provide for her family. Heartbroken, she trudged into Hanoi every day to sell goods to tourists. She worked 12 hour days and then drove back 2 hours back to her village. Every. Single. Day.

While not easy, her life started to stabilize. She soon met another man that she quickly fell in love with. Things moved fast and they quickly began to build a life together. Years of hard work had paid off and Flower and her boyfriend bought land and began to build a house for their family.

The ground work for the house was set when things started go sour in the relationship. Her boyfriend was accusing her of being a prostitute as her job was to work as a tour guide for tourists. He became abusive and ultimately decided to take the rest of their money and run away.

Again, Flower was devastated. She described sitting there on the empty second floor of her half-built home thinking if she should just jump head first. She knew she had a child to take care of and knew that life goes on.

At this point of the story, my jaw was on the floor as I realized how much heartache and devastation one young woman has gone through in her years on earth. Yet, I was in constant awe at her outlook on life and how she handled these issues.

“I thought about jumping off the floor and ending it, but I realized that my life is good. I have been through a lot, but I am happy and I am healthy. You can’t think that one thing is the end of your life. You can’t control everything. There will be better days and you have to just be happy with what you have. ”

I don’t think I’ll ever look at life the same way after that day. Yes, we were devastated that Trump was elected President. Yes, our friend in a coma was on top of mind and we were in constant worry. At the end of the day, one of the strongest things we have as humans is our resiliency.

We had a couple more great days in Hanoi with Flower. We were still shook but we learned to live in the present and just be grateful for where we were. Our friend eventually made a full recovery and while Trump has set us back many years, the country isn’t dead yet.

Whenever I think that times are rough, I think of what Flower taught us. Be grateful for what you have.